I received the following quote on my post, “How To Be Emotionally Pure In Courtship,”
“Hmmm. Maybe we should just have our pastor or parents pick out our "good match" spouses. That would make it a whole lot easier for everyone. *whew* besides we will just learn to love them later right? As long as they are a good match nothing else matters right? :) Wow, this is so messed up I'm appalled, I'm very sad that people still think that this thinking is ok. The only girl I know that went through this "perfect" scenario, and married her "godly" husband is the most miserable girl I know. You can "learn to love" someone, but I think that God factored in attraction for a reason.... Or wait is attraction a product of the fall? I can't remember anymore... im sure you have never experienced a real "courtship"/relationship. :/ this is exactly the thinking that pretty much ruined my poor brother and his wife's life.... Thankfully though they persevered and are married and boy am I glad that the religious nut with this thinking wasn't able to ruin their marriage.”
I normally wouldn’t spend so much time replying to such an uncivil post, but I get quite a few, so I feel a need to explain how such comments make me feel so that my critics might change their tactics…though I rather doubt they will.
What really frustrates me about comments such as the above, is that this person could be right. Perhaps they have a legitimate objection to something I wrote, or maybe I need to clarify something…but their comment is so unhelpful, I can’t be sure what she is even referring to.
“Wow, this is so messed up,” she says. What is messed up? That parents should pick our spouses for us? Okay, maybe, but I didn’t say that in my post. But even if I did say that, how is it messed up? She doesn’t give any reasoning, but instead just throws out an unsupported statement. Does she expect me to take her at her word? Does she want me to listen to her with a blind faith? Is she a deity? If she wants to help me see things the way she does, then I need some reasoning. But, maybe this isn’t what she is saying is messed up.
Is it messed up that I argue being a good match should be the major determining factor when it comes to whether or not you should marry someone? Okay…how is that messed up? Surely she is not saying we should marry people we are not a good match with. Maybe she doesn't understand what I mean by a “good match?” Maybe she thinks what I mean by "good match" consists of merely having the same beliefs or something? (which I don't believe). It’s really hard to tell from such a comment.
I believe this commenter, hiding behind the alias “Wynd”, doesn't really want to help me. If she did want to help me, she would have followed the rules of civil debate. She lobs ad hominem attacks at me, inaccurately claims to have intimate knowledge of my personal life, says that I don’t have experience, and intentionally ignores large portions of my post.